The Tug Of Two Loves 2: Unsustainable

A TRUE STORY, ALL NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT IDENTITIES

Previously: THE TUG OF TWO LOVES 1: The Inner Yearning For Love 

'I'm just going out for a while.' Jim laid his newspaper down and began to rise from his chair.

Quickly, Kate hurled herself across the room, and plonked herself on his lap. A year, or more, had passed since their wedding day, during which time a baby daughter had been born. Having just fed her and settled her down for the night, Kate was looking forward to some time with Jim.

'Oh, darling, do you have to go? You've only just got in.'

'I've arranged to meet Tony at the pub,' he replied, affably.

Wriggling into a more comfortable position, Kate put her head on Jim's shoulder.

'I've warmed your slippers and thought we could cuddle up on the sofa and watch the telly,' she said, petulantly.

'Oh, for goodness sake, Kate!' Pushing her from his lap, Jim struggled to his feet. 'I just can't stand all this smothering. You make me feel so hemmed in.'

'You never want to be with me.' Kate's petulance turned to jealousy. 'Tony's girlfriend will be with him, so he doesn't need you.'

Exasperated, Jim pulled Kate into his arms, and for a moment or two they stood still, until the tension eased from their bodies.

'Come on now. I can't help having to see Tony. We've got business to discuss.'

Still holding her, Jim leaned back a little, and raised her downcast face to look at him.

'You do love me, don't you?' Kate asked, tearfully.

'Oh, bl..dy hell!' Jim exclaimed, and turning away from her he left the house.

Having married with a baby on the way, it was not long before disappointment had set in for both of them. For a short while the social whirl in which they had lived had kept them going but now, with the birth of their first-born, Sarah, Kate longed only for her dream of domesticated bliss. Yearning for the companionship and affection that had been so evident in her parents' marriage, it was, she realised, lacking in her own. Jim, persistently terming her feelings as 'smothering' repeatedly sought refuge in the pub. Was that new, she wondered, bringing to mind the fact that they had first met in a pub.

Repeatedly attempting to express her feelings of inadequacy, Kate found their relationship deteriorating. Jim's words, torn from him in what Kate perceived as a frenzy of disappointment, became more and more wounding. Tentatively, she suggested that they might need help.

'Should we see a marriage guidance counsellor?' she asked, tearfully. To which Jim's response was refusal.

'I'm damned if I would,' he yelled. 'I have no intention of washing our dirty linen in public.'

Booking herself in for a session, Kate found it of little help.

'You're too much of a clinging vine,' the counsellor said, pretty well repeating Jim's own view. 'You both need time to breathe.'

'But I love Jim, and only want to be with him,' Kate replied, struggling with tears of self-pity.

'You need to let him be himself, and make more of a life for yourself,' she said, rising from her chair as an indication that the session had come to an end.

The question was, how could she, Kate thought, given that she had no one to baby-sit, and Jim was rarely at home long enough to do so. Besides which, what, other than meeting with mum's in the park, could she do? Desperately lonely, and already pregnant again, she found herself becoming more and more fretful and tearful. Despite the fact that Jim sometimes bought her flowers, Kate found his show of 'love' unrecognisable, when all she wanted was a verbal affirmation, and for them to spend time together. Little did she know what was yet to come.