Blog: Mel's Muse
Showing posts categorised as 'Family & Parenting'
Drug Dependency Therapy
I wrote, last week, suggesting ways in which to deal with mischief and destruction. Titled Antidotes To Vandalism, the theme centred on the way in which the breakdown in family and community has on young lives, plus the misuse of the internet creating the sentiment that anti-social behaviour might be...
Antidotes To Vandalism
Vandalism! Is it fun? Well, it would appear to be so.
Strolling through the parks, on our usual daily walk, I pointed out to my husband a young tree that had been damaged.
'Could that have been caused by the strong winds we've had recently?' I asked, doubtfully.
We then saw two more....
God Has A Plan
Born with a painful intestine disease
My childhood was anything but a breeze.
'Ignore her crying,' my mother was told,
'She's seeking attention, naughty and bold.'
Reprimands and smacked bottoms followed,
Banished to my room, I hollered and hollered.
But God had a plan, he helped me break free
Through escape to the loft, much to...
Mental Health Issues: Part 1 - My Story
We hear, repeatedly, about the number of young people suffering from mental health issues, but little about any means of reparation. This, despite being told that 'Your mental health is just as important as your physical health'. One of the causes, however, is listed as being 'childhood abuse, trauma,...
Misinterpreting The Specification: Two Halves Don't Make A Whole
Most marriages don't add two people together. They subtract one from the other.
From: Diamonds are Forever, by Ian Fleming
This cynical view of marriage, once considered exclusively a male bastion for bachelorhood, is fast gaining credence amongst post-feminist women - if certain American TV chat shows are to...
The Building Blocks Of A Stable Stepfamily
AS A SCHOOLGIRL, I loved history. Not the dry dates and wars of my school books, but the vital characters that strode out of their pages straight into my imagination. People like Henry VIII of England, for instance. His marriages particularly fascinated me. How, I would ask myself, did he...
From Near Death . . .
“I'm sorry, Mrs Livingstone, but I'm afraid your daughter is going to have to stay in hospital. She has encephalitis.â€
Sharon screwed up her eyes and shook her head. Seated opposite the consultant, she had no idea what he was talking about.
“It is a rare disease,†the consultant said, “and it...
Writing The Rights & Wrongs Of Life
Are you as fed up with the negative concept of society as I am? Every day we’re bombarded with news about failing governments, education, health and housing services, marriages, families and kids – and that’s without all the heartbreak of drug and alcohol abuse, and 3 million children starving to...
Who Inspired You To Be You?
Who inspired you to be who you are? And how did that come about? Being a bestselling author, this is a question I've often been asked. But whether or not you're a writer, secretary, nurse, or whatever, this is a question, and answer, that could apply to any and all.
Think...
From Near Death. . .
“I'm sorry, Mrs Livingstone, but I'm afraid your daughter is going to have to stay in hospital. She has encephalitis.â€
Sharon screwed up her eyes and shook her head. Seated opposite the consultant, she had no idea what he was talking about.
“It is a rare disease,†the consultant said, “and it...
How To Plan A Funeral In The Coronavirus Era
Before the days of lockdown - due to the coronavirus - planning a funeral following the death of a loved one might have been perceived as a positive and constructive experience. Although not intentionally so, making funeral arrangements, whether for burial or cremation, could be seen as a welcome...
Bereavement: How To Deal With Denial, Grief & Anger Following The Death Of A Loved One
In these times of Coronavirus, many of us are suffering the death of a loved one. I wrote last time about Looking After Yourself following bereavement, and pointed out - from my own experience - the trauma of having to break the news of that loss to another family member....
Bereavement: Looking After Yourself
Last time we looked at Bereavement: Coping With The Initial Shock, using my own experience following my daughter's death, and quoting from the book I wrote some years later. What I learned was that numbness and denial, disbelief and a wandering mind, are common experiences when we first learn...
A Better Story: God, Sex & Human Flourishing By Glynn Harrison: A Must Read For Everyone
Before I start, I want to say that I have nothing against anyone who is genetically predisposed to the LGBT spectrum. I have personally known people in homosexual relationships, and always found them to be delightful. I also have a family member who is transgender, whom I love...
Picked For A Purpose 3: Seeds Sown
SEEDS SOWN
Sometimes people of faith speak of coincidence as being God-incidents. So while a coincidence might be described as random - an accident, chance, luck, fluke, or twist of fate - a God-incident is thought to be an unexpected occurrence in which God is perceived to have had an...
Picked For A Purpose 1 - Me And Daddy, Daddy And Me
ME AND DADDY, DADDY AND ME
I suppose it was the letters that were the trigger - first for my depression, then for my understanding. Small blue folded airmails that bore my mother's name on them, plus whatever address happened to be relevant at the time. She had kept...
Time To Shine - A Story Of Gaslighting?
Set in Exeter, and written in the style of Jodi Picoult, this is a gentle mystery drama with a difference, solved not by a Detective but by a Counsellor, and with a psychological twist at the end.
A beautifully written and thoughtful book centred on relationships which will strike a chord...
A Hint Of An American Romance Blooming In Time To Shine?
And another excerpt from my latest novel, Time to Shine, which has gained more 5* reviews since the last taster on my blog. Sorry that the photos of the sky don't quite match the description in the book.
Here, Evie Adams, with a broken marriage behind her, takes some time out...
Mel's Online Book Club Discussion: The Light Between Oceans By M. L. Stedman
The Light Between Oceans is, I discovered when I’d finished reading it for Book Club, a debut novel. I wish I had known that when I began – but more of that later. For various reasons we were a somewhat depleted group when we met to discuss the book, and...
Big Book Sale: Stepfamilies - Practical Help To Build A Stable, Happy Stepfamily
How do you tell your children they are going to have a step-parent? How do you handle disagreements about access and money? How do you deal with past hurts and fears?
All families have their difficulties, but stepfamilies often face special problems. And with nearly a million of them in the...
Time To Shine - Another Excerpt From My New Psycological Mystery
Josh was still in his pjs, lying on his bed playing some computer game or other on his cell phone when Carl went to tell him the good news. The boy seemed strangely lethargic. Hardly surprising, Carl supposed, given the state of the room - a stinking fug of yesterday's...
Time To Shine - A Mystery. A Marriage Mender. And A Mary Berry Style Bake Off
First in the Evie Adams series: Page one of my new book
Sometimes, when you're counselling a client and she lobs a direct question at you, protocol requires that you bounce it back to her. A case in point is my two-o'clock this Friday afternoon, a mother of three, early-forties, by the...
Mel's Online Book Club: The Generation Game By Sophie Duffy
Titles are important to me. As an author I find it necessary to choose a title I can work to: one that defines the theme of the book I’m writing. As a reader, I look to see how those themes unfold.
When one of the members of my real-time Book Club suggested that...Interviews With Authors About Their Books: Continued
I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to post the second part of this article: blame my recent appointment as Chairman of ACW - a national association for writers. As I said in the first part of Interviews With Authors About Their Books, a reader of my blog asked...
The Joy, Or The Sadness, Of Teen Sex?
Photo: Solomon Island, Chesapeake Bay:
Mum, Dad, Boy, Girl
Mum, Dad, Boy, Girl
If The Joy of Teen Sex on Channel 4 had been titled The Fun of Teen Sex or simply Teen Sex it would probably have been seen by the TV regulators (if they still exist) as porn. It was certainly a...
Children In Divorce And Separation: Conflict At Christmas
It was Christmas Eve, many years ago, when my marriage officially came to an end.A telephone call from a friend in the local pub alerted me to the fact that my husband of fifteen years was announcing, to anyone who would listen, that he was about to divorce me. That...
Teen Drug Abuse: Peer Education Training Challenges Misconceptions
INTRODUCTION TO GUEST BLOG BY LUCY CRIPPS
My novel, A Painful Post Mortem, has been selling now for sometime, and has raised a substantial sum of money for the two charities I chose to support with the proceeds. This month, in addition to the print edition, I decided to make it available as an e-book....Godparents - What Should They Do? Anna Ford And Martin Amis At Loggerheads
Godparents - what are they and what is expected from them? In times of falling church numbers, it may seem almost anachronistic to be asking. However, it appears to be a hot topic!
ANNA FORD ON MARTIN AMIS’ ROLE AS GODFATHERI arrived home from holiday today and, within ten minutes of stepping through the...
Family & Parenting: Tough Love & Discipline Prove Best Practice
Bereavement comes in various guises, chief of which is the grief and loss caused by death. But losing a child to drugs has its own grieving process. And it was in recognition of this that I wrote my bereavement poem, Weep For A While.
In my article last week, titled, British Law Undermines Parental Authority...
Demise Of A Marriage: A True Story - Part 2:2 Lost & Found
Arguing a case against Jesus’ claims about eternal life, Megan is brought face to face with the truth that it is her pride which prevents fulfilment of her inner yearning. A second visit to a Billy Graham rally sees her accepting that even a good friend is no substitute for faith. Only a life...
Family & Parenting: How To Love Yourself - And Difficult Elderly Parents
Dear Mel,
My parents have always had a very explosive relationship. There were always shouting matches when I was a child, and I grew up fearful that they were going to get divorced. My dad had a very fiery temper, whereas my mum would be tearful. Inbetween the rows my dad...
Demise Of A Marriage: A True Story - Part 2:1 Lost & Found
With marriage, babies and moving house having failed to still the inner yearning in Megan’s life, she feels sure that her new friendship with Eileen must be the answer. Especially when Eileen invites her to hear Billy Graham. Eileen has a faith in God which Megan finds enviable. Eileen knows Jesus as her Saviour...
British Law Undermines Parental Authority: Novel Shows How
I wrote, last week, about the sad story of Kate Walsh who, at the tender age of sixteen, became a heroin addict and died, alone in a dirty squat. Her parents had asked, repeatedly, for help from various authorities and received none. They had, as the Coroner described it at Kate’s Inquest, fallen...
Demise Of A Marriage: A True Story - Part 1:3 The Inner Yearning
With two babies only a year apart in age, Meg is as lonely as ever. Will moving house be the answer? For a while it seems a possibility. But as James’ career ambitions take him away from home once more, it seems that only a new friendship might fill that inner yearning.
Catch up with...
Heroin Addicts Like Kate Walsh Show That The Grey Areas Of British Law Need A Black & White Reform
We read, this week, of a situation which has complied with British law but which is, nevertheless, a grave miscarriage of justice. Kate Walsh’s parents, when their sixteen year old daughter died of heroin in a dirty squat, were denied the protection that the law is supposed to provide. They are not alone. British law...
Demise Of A Marriage: A True Story - Part 1:2 The Inner Yearning
Less than a year into Megan’s marriage to James, with her baby born and motherhood now a reality, the cracks which were apparent from the outset, are beginning to widen. As the swinging sixties begin to make themselves felt, the over-riding question is: can Megan find, in James, the love she craves?
Catch up with...
Demise Of A Marriage: A True Story - Part 1:1 The Inner Yearning
What follows is a true story, the real life story of a woman named Megan, who was raised in an era when to be married, to be a wife, was the pinnacle of aspiration for a woman. The expectation that you shopped, cooked, cleaned and raised children whilst your husband worked, played and waited...
Successful Step-parenting: If Ozzy Osbourne Can Do It, So Can You!
I was asked by BBC Radio Birmingham to be their 'expert' on this morning's discussion on step-parenting. I’ve forgotten how many times I’ve been interviewed in connection with my book, Stepfamilies, but I suppose, given that something like one in eight British children are now growing up in a blended family, it’s a hot topic.
STEP-CHILDREN:...Anti-social Behaviour: Is It The Result Of Legislation Promoting Children's Rights?
Newspaper reports on the life and death of Fiona Pilkington and her disabled daughter make harrowing reading. Victims of abuse and anti-social behaviour by local youths, the lives of both were made a misery for years. However, despite making no fewer than thirty-three complaints to the police, her plight, and that of her daughter, was...
Successful Step Parenting: Three Potential Pitfalls - No 2 Coping With Step Children
Only a day after doing the BBC Newcastle Breakfast Show, I had a phone call from BBC Birmingham, asking me to kick off the debate on Sunday morning 9.05 a.m. on – guess what – stepfamilies! What’s going on here?
In my blog of a couple of days ago, I identified the three potential pitfalls...
Successful Step Parenting: Three Potential Pitfalls - No. 1 Financial
BBC Radio Newcastle, which serves an area from the Scottish Borders to Durham, asked me to speak, this morning, on whether stepfamilies could ever be as successful and harmonious as biological families.
As before, on my interview with BBC Radio 5 Live, I answered a resounding Yes. From personal experience, plus observation of the families I...
What Is The Role Of Godparents: Are They Really Relevant Today?
UPDATED 27th FEBRUARY 2010
It seems strange, in this highly secularised world, that the concept of Godparents appears to be such a hot topic. It makes you wonder if, despite our anti-religious dogma, we’re not – deep down – actually spiritual beings after all.
Well, of course, I’m in no doubt that we are! But...
Do False Expectations Of Marriage Cause Stepfamily Problems?
What follows is an excerpt from the soon to be published revised and updated edition of Mel's book, Stepfamilies.
It is a false premise to expect that any marriage can ever answer all of our needs. To think otherwise is a totally unrealistic ideal which is doomed to disappointment. And this, perhaps, is one of the...
Marriage And Remarriage: When Two Halves Don't Make A Whole
Following is an abridged and revised excerpt from Mel’s book Stepfamilies, which the BBC recently asked her to debate on the Richard Bacon show. In previous posts, the inference has been that unless the two people embarking on a second (or subsequent) marriage get it right, there is little chance of tackling other blended family...
Live With Less: How To Love Working To Live Rather Than Living To Work
I began this article a couple of months ago before Parliamentary Expenses took over as the latest UK soap opera escapism from the real story of boom and bust economics. So I wondered, this morning, whether it would still have any relevance; whether, in fact, it would resonate with you, my readers. But thinking...
Love And Commitment: The Basis Of A Stable Marriage
Last week, in my Friday series on Families & Parenting, which is currently focused on stepfamilies, I pointed out that if American author Charles Swindoll equated marriage to a house, then remarriage could be said to be like a conversion. I then went on to show why love, in terms of romance, is not...
Stable Stepfamilies: Book Excerpt - Foreword
AS A SCHOOLGIRL, I loved history. Not the dry dates and wars of my school books, but the vital characters that strode right out of their pages straight into my imagination. People like Henry VIII of England, for instance. His marriages particularly fascinated me. How, I would ask myself, did he get away with...
Sex Education And Teenage Pregnancy
“Do cats get married, Daddy?”
The question came from my four-year old granddaughter. She’s one of twins, and is obsessed by cats.
“Nope,” Daddy replied.
“Then how do they have babies?” asked Millie.
With the news of a thirteen year-old fathering a child fresh in his mind, and wanting to foster a sense of relationship, my son-in-law...
Building Sustainable Relationships For Stepfamilies
I hope you’ll forgive me! I’m afraid I’m going to take the easy way out today and simply upload part of a chapter from my Stepfamilies book, on the topic of building effective relationships with somebody else’s children. It’s been a difficult week; as I tweeted only today: my mother has fallen and broken her pelvis....
Overcoming Shame: Are We Guilty Of A Guilty Conscience?
I was reading about a man – Jeff Lucas – who described himself, in his younger years, as a “shame addict”. The term resonated with me and sparked a sitting-up in bed, early morning debate – though, sadly, without a cuppa to accompany it.
“That describes me years ago,” I said.
“Yes!” my husband agreed. “But...
January Blues
I don’t know about you, but for the last couple of days I’ve been feeling vaguely depressed. Some of my feelings of malaise are undoubtedly to do with tiredness brought on by having a houseful of guests to feed, and the late nights spent sitting on hard, upright chairs, playing games like Mexican Train Double...
A Black Hole Where Once Your Mind Was
His world is one of darkness. Silent. Confused. He’s not entirely Anything. Not blind, nor daft. Just less of what he was. Diminished. Shrunken. Glimpses of shapes he catches in the side of his eye appear tall and distorted, disorienting and delusional from a moving car. The rushing sensation induces motion sickness. He cries out...
14 Ways To Avoid Stress - And The Breakdown Of A Relationship At Christmas
ORIGINALLY WRITTEN PRE-CHRISTMAS 2008, THE FOLLOWING
POINTS MAY BE ADAPTED, AND ARE VALID AT ANY TIME OF THE
YEAR
The effects on children when parents are separating are immense. They are quick to pick up on the cracks and strains that appear between warring parents, and it is the adults’ responsibility to protect them, as...
How To Recognise The Signs Of Relationship Breakdown
Boy, did my last post on Children In Divorce & Separation provoke a response! Not in comments, because it’s a painful subject; but in more hits on my website than ever before. There's obviously a lot of hurt out there, especially at this time of year.
That article dealt with the effects of family breakdown...
Children In Divorce And Separation: A Christmas Tragedy
Christmas – traditionally the time of good cheer – is also, for many, a time of great sadness. Somehow, the fact that everyone is out to enjoy themselves seems to concentrate the mind when it comes to the tragedies of life. A train derailment or plane crash in the weeks leading up to the...
Step Parenting Advice: Don't Do It Unless You're Prepared To Work At It!
Can A Step Parent Ever Replace A Real Parent? This was the topic under debate on the Richard Bacon radio show on BBC Radio 5 Live on Tuesday evening. As the author of a book titled Stepfamilies, I had been invited to participate to put the positive side of the case, whilst Philip Parkin, General...
Successful Step Parenting: Do You Know What It Takes?
I’ve been asked by BBC Radio 5 Live if I would take part in a debate, arguing the case for the premiss Can A Step Parent Take The Place Of A Real Parent? The e-mail was from one of their producers, who said he’d found my book, Stepfamilies on a Google search. During the telephone...
Youngest Child In The Family: Paragon? Or Pain?
Where, in birth order, do you come among your siblings? Are you the youngest child in the family? Do you see yourself as different to your brothers and sisters? Are you aware of a gulf between them and you?
Having previously written about eldest child syndrome and middle child complex, today I’m going to begin...
Grandparents Caring For Grandchildren
Eighty per-cent of children in the UK are regularly cared for by a grandparent, says The Times, with the result that sixty per-cent of all British childcare is undertaken by grandparents. As payment for grandparents is virtually non-existent (92% receive no remuneration) this is at a saving to the economy of £4 billion a year.
PAYMENT...You Wouldn't Do It To A Dog
A cracked rib is painful at the best of times. A fortnight with an undiagnosed cracked rib still worse. But a fortnight, yelling in pain, being fobbed off with paracetamol and accused of malingering, when you’re 94 years of age is outrageous.
THE WRONG SORT OF BLINDNESSIt began two weeks ago last Sunday. My...
Best Evening Gowns For A Fashion Fix?
The Party Season Beginneth. And if you’re after a Fashion Fix, you need look no further than Marks & Spencer. Have you seen the glamorous evening gowns on offer through their Autograph range? One of the most stunning, in my view, was advertised recently in The Daily Telegraph.
GLAMOROUS EVENING GOWNS BEAT RECESSIONIn these days...
Birth Order - Middle Child
According to the Wikipedia website, one of the first people to suggest that birth order has an effect on personality was an Austrian psychiatrist, Alfred Adler. A contemporary of Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung, he argued that the way in which each of us tackles the major aspects of life – friendship, love and work...
Eldest Child Syndrome - Are You One? Or Do You Know Of One?
Have you ever been in a situation where you begin to wonder whether other people’s expectations of you exceed your ability or willingness to deliver? Of course you have! Silly question – unless you’re one of those super-humans who knows how to say ‘No!’ But that’s another issue, for another day.
BIRTH ORDER AND SELFThing is,...
Man Flu? The Female Version's The Killer Strain!
MAN FLU?
I don’t know about Man Flu, but I’ve definitely been suffering with the female version this week. You know the sort of thing? Having hardly slept overnight, you wake up on Monday morning feeling utterly ghastly: stuffed ears feeling as though they’ve been pumped full of the insulating foam that lines the cavity walls...
Divorce & Family Law - Does It Affect Us All?
Other Posts on Books & Reading: The Isolation
of Being Unable to Read
STATISTICS OF SINGLE PARENTS
What do you think of when you read of mothers raising children without fathers? Does it incite you to indignation? Rage? And if so, against whom? The mothers who so ruthlessly exploit the benefits system with serial offspring by...
The Isolation Of Being Unable To Read
Related topics:
59 Million Keywords to Publication
Reading Between The Lines EFFECTS OF ILLITERACY
59 Million Keywords to Publication
Reading Between The Lines EFFECTS OF ILLITERACY
Have you ever thought what it would be like if you were unable to read or understand a word of this blog? Doubtless you would be feeling the same shame and isolation as the people I wrote about in my post: Reading Between the...
Child Pornography
CHILD PORNOGRAPHY – A SUBJECT FOR DRAMA?
Child pornography may not be everyone’s ideal Sunday evening viewing (UK - BBC1 – Fiona’s Story), but it is, sadly, a topical subject. The problem, to my mind, is the way it was dramatised. Am I the only one to feel that it was all very unsatisfactory? Both...
Does My Bum Look Big In This? (or That Wretched F-word Again)
A fortnight ago I wrote that legislation against the use of certain words (like Chav) is ludicrous and went on to quote from Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet: What's in a name? that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. “It’s not the word that’s at fault,” I said. “What’s...
Drugs & Human Rights - The God Of The Era
Click for related post: Parent Power = Kids' Confidence
I wonder how this generation of policy-makers will go down in history? Human Rights, it seems, is the god of the era. It certainly takes precedence over any sort of morality. And common sense? Well that's out of the window.
I refer to...
Parent Power = Kids' Confidence
It was the doll’s clothes that reminded me. My daughter had decided that, at nearly four years of age, the twins were old enough to play with some of her most precious toys. So they’d arrived at my house armed with a doll’s buggy each, Katy, Lillibet, and the latter’s entire wardrobe. My heart...
BBC Radio Devon Interview
Listen to me chatting to Dave Fitzgerald about my latest release, Chosen, on BBC local radio.
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