Ten Tent Pegs 7: Conflict

As we’ve already seen, because his mother was unmarried, Jabez was born into shame. His prayer, “Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm” v4 (some translations use ‘evil’ instead of ‘harm') suggests that he was aware of the trauma that might befall him.

• If he was born out of wedlock (some commentators refute that), he probably suffered the stigma of illegitimacy throughout his life

• Especially as his name, Jabez, was a pun. It was similar to the Hebrew word meaning pain.

• So his shame and stigma would have been a constant reminder to him and to others.

Nevertheless, his prayer also portrays the strength of his faith in God, and that the Lord answered his prayer, honouring him above his brothers.

So what conflict have you suffered? Has illness, hardship, or the breakdown of relationships been a driving force in your life? If so, trust in God, and look for the good in the conflict of your life. Also, have a vision for others suffering similar difficulties.

Conflict is the 7th Tent Peg. If Jabez was born out of wedlock, as some commentators believe, then he would have known conflict in his life. Ask yourself and God:

WHAT CONFLICT HAVE I EXPERIENCED?

When I used to teach Creative Writing, I always pointed out that it’s not love that makes the world of fiction go around, but conflict. You don’t even have to think of Eastenders or Coronatiuon Street to see that. Even a romance like Jane Eyre, or a comedy like Mamma Mia is riddled with conflict. And what makes the story a page turner, is the way in which the characters overcome the conflict in their lives. It’s the same for us. Conflict can make us victims. Or – in the Lord’s hands - it can make us conquerors.

Take my marriage, for example. My husband wasn’t a Christian. Over a period of 15 years, during which our three girls were born, we went on a roller coaster: his affairs and my anguish. Until eventually, we were divorced followed, years later by his remorse and my forgiveness.

This was back in the 1970’s and, frankly, the Church didn’t know what to do with people like me. The thinking was that Christians weren’t supposed to be divorced! I wrote to my best friend, a Vicar’s wife, and told her that I felt rejected by the very people I should have been able to count on for prayer and support. My friend urged me to send my letter to the Church of England.

Publication of the letter brought in a flood of responses, from Christians all over the world. For various reasons, they’d been hurt by the Church’s attitude. Because their lives were messy and they couldn’t tick all the boxes of ‘What A Christian Should Be’ they felt they were at best tolerated; at worst shunned.

The power of the written word was revealed to me! I began to see how, in the Lord’s hands, my one small article of hurt and complaint had brought healing to numerous people worldwide.

I began to write in earnest. Two books came out of that experience, The Tug Of Two Loves and Divorced But Not Defeated, followed by many others. At that time, there were no Christian organisations picking up the pieces of people’s messy lives and helping to put them together again. So, through my book, I began to be asked to speak at various women’s meetings and conferences, and eventually on radio and TV. Once again, I received, via my publishers, letters from all over the world.

In God’s hands, one small vision that had grown out of my character, my circumstances, and the conflict I’d experienced, was enlarged in such a way that I could never have dreamed of or imagined.

But there was more conflict to come. Following 15 years of unhappy marriage, I now faced 13 years of anguish on account of my middle daughter.

She was 14 when her father left to set up home with his girlfriend, and she began to take drugs. So called soft drugs to begin with but, by the time she was 18 – having run away to London – she’d progressed to heroin.

I couldn’t have got through those 13 years without the Lord. But finally, as a result of prayer, she was set free from her addiction. And over the course of the next five years, she put herself through college and graduated; got a job; settled down with a young man and had a baby. For the first time in a very long time, I had peace.

Then one day I received the phone call every mother would dread. My daughter had been found dead in her home, her baby asleep upstairs. She’d had a single dose of morphine, which the police are convinced was because her drink had been spiked at a BBQ, the previous evening, by neighbours who wanted her to deal in drugs for them.

This time, my vision from the Lord was to write a book for non-Christians: people who have no hope for the future, to help them to see that death is not the end. Despite her previous drug-addiction, she had told me she always believed in God. Hence my hope that I will one day see her with Him.

The book, titled A Painful Post Mortem was a novel, where the characters ask the sort of questions that real people ask. And all proceeds from sales were for Care For The Family for their task in ‘drug-proofing’ teenagers in the UK, and to Tearfund for their project with children in developing countries suffering from the effects of HIV+ and AIDS.

The important lesson here – as I learned when writing books that helped numerous people - is to realise that:

The CONFLICT in your life can work for good in enlarging your vision. Do let me know, by commenting below, if this resonates with you.